BOOK 3: ROLLING AWAY THE STONES
Preparing for the big day … and big week!
You’ve made it to the long-awaited release date. Bless you. Well done.
How are you doing as a team?
Are you feeling anxious right about now? Stressed out? Nervous?
It’s okay. This is normal.
ANXIETY
Something exciting and important and new always feels this way: a graduation speech, heading off to college, moving to a new city, a wedding, a baby coming! You’re nervous because you care.
You’re invested now.
Now imagine what kind of anxiety your releasing friend might be feeling.
A lot of releasing folks describe getting The Bends (also known as ‘decompression sickness’) in their final month or two “before the gate.” Short time is the hardest time. It moves slowly, sometimes painfully so. We often hear from them less. If we catch a collect call, their voice is often different. They tell us they don’t feel right. Many report feeling angry, on edge, suddenly hating people around them inside prison.
The most self-aware releasing folks can usually name it more clearly: “I’m so scared.”
Why, do you think?
Like you, they’ve probably thought, “I should be happy!” But they have something to lose now. They have hope. Like you, they care now. That means there’s risk involved.
So: be gentle with each other and stick close as we approach release day.
STAY CONNECTED
In the weeks just before release, plan to be more available than you have been. Maybe your friend wants to have just one or two people they’re in regular contact with as the day nears. Maybe they like having everyone reaching out via letters or emails or in their ability to take calls. Send a physical greeting card, if you want, letting them know that you all as a team, as a church, are looking forward to seeing them soon.
Go over some of the options below with them to get a shared idea of what the first day will look like. Of course, there are often last minute changes. The prison system, as you’ve found, is not great at “customer service.” So stay flexible, breathe, pray, keep practicing the Welcoming Prayer, letting go of a need for control.
QUICK QUESTION
AS A TEAM: GROUP TEXT THREAD
In the days beforehand, the big day itself, and the week or so after, several teams have started a group text thread amongst their 7-10 members. This avoids a confusing tangle of calls, repeating updates to multiple people, missed details, people left out, hurt feelings, mixed messages, etc. Teams feel more united, kind of like a Mission Impossible crew, with everyone checking in the night before and sending photos from the two members picking your friend up at the gate. The text thread helps you stay connected and close on this wonderful and fragile day.
A GOOD FIRST DAY (SUGGESTIONS)
Every day is different and every release is different. But after doing this for many years, here are some suggestions—and one or two requirements—for a good release day:
PICKUP AT THE PRISON GATE
If your releasing friend doesn’t already have a close family member picking them up or required DOC transport back to the county, your team gets the honor of being there at the gate to welcome them out! Note: The initial pickup, meal, and CCO appointment should be with two team members who are able to be most available this first day. If the prison is far away, make an adventure out of this trip: head out early in the morning to give yourself plenty of time for potential delays or a fun stop or two. Ask your friend what time you have to be there and check in with the front office, so that they can be processed and released on schedule.
Sometimes you can bring clothes in a bag to give to the front office, so your friend can release in normal clothes and not their inmate attire. Ask if they’d like this.
Your friend might be excited at the gate, shouting in relief and eager to hug you. Or your friend might be overwhelmed with anxiety, feeling awkward and shut down. If so, don’t take it personally. Just be present, attuned to how they’re doing. Think of a midwife supporting someone giving birth: give them the freedom to be however they need to be! It’s not about us in this moment. Just savor it. Bring your peace in your presence, your love in your smile.
The drive — especially a long one — is a great time to decompress. It opens space, quiet, some stillness for all the transitions happening on this day. There’s time to talk, laugh, catch up, if they want. Also time to go over what the rest of the day might look like.
A GOOD MEAL
One of my favorite moments in this work is table fellowship. Assuming they’re hungry, sit down at a restaurant of their choosing and invite your releasing friend to order whatever they want. Some have sheepishly admitted, “I know I should say I want a steak or seafood or something. But honestly, I’ve been thinking of Jack in the Box’s curly fries for five f—-ing years! Is that ok?”
Absolutely! Just enjoy the time together. Ask questions you may have. Invite any of their questions. Be curious. Tell stories. Savor it.
CCO OFFICE: REQUIRED 1ST DAY
The one required event of this day is checking in at the DOC’s Community Corrections Office in their release county to meet with their CCO. This can take an hour or two as they have to wait and fill out paperwork and go through some orientation stuff. Make room for this, and when you’re there, just wait together in the lobby or in your car. We’ve learned CCOs don’t want anyone else accompanying the releasing individual back into the meeting, or doing any advocacy. Just your quiet commitment and support in the background speaks volumes and builds trust with their CCO (who holds the keys to your friend’s freedom).
If your friend has the amazing fortune of not having any probation or years of checking in with parole/CCO, then you can skip this entire step!
NATURE
Now that you know about the required CCO office visit, consider making some time in the day for a healing and refreshing pause outdoors. Timing depends on your geography: maybe it’s better to knock out the CCO office first, or maybe there’s a beautiful place to walk outdoors somewhere along the drive home. Don’t stress about making a field trip out of it; just pick a place to pause and breathe and savor this transition.
Your releasing friend has been in a concrete tank, a human warehouse, for too long. Before jumping right into the noise and busy-ness of the weeks ahead, we’ve found great meaning in aiming for a beach sometime that first day. Or a favorite forest. Maybe a trail. A state park where it’s quiet. A place with an epic view. Let your friend, just out of captivity, feel the wonder of the open, created world. Even if it’s just for twenty minutes. Breath deep breaths together. Take a picture.
HOUSING
As with any traveler, knowing where you’ll set your bags and rest your head is essential to getting your bearings. Once you’re back in your community, it’s good to get to their new housing and let them get settled in.
Hang out, if you can. Ask how they’re feeling, how the CCO appointment went. When the time is right, you get to share their . . .
WELCOME HOME BASKET!
This is where all the items your church pulled together make up the essential gifts they need right now: hygiene products, socks, gift cards to go get some clothes, a simple cell phone, backpack, calendar, and any surprise items congregants wanted to share. This basket aims to remove anxiety about basic needs so they can rest and process all the big adjustments happening. It’s about more than basic needs, though: this is where we’ve seen releasing friends really struck by how much a larger community, a church, truly WANTS them back in the community! They don’t have to “go to church” to experience a community’s care and embrace.
CALM AND CARING ENVIRONMENT
That’s the key for the whole day. Don’t overwhelm them with all the work ahead. Reassure them you’ll be there tomorrow, and the next day, to take the next steps. Share phone numbers. You’ll figure it all out together.
Years ago, a friend of ours released directly out of two years in solitary confinement. He was pale and quiet, shaky with post-traumatic stress symptoms and wary from years of gang memories in our community Our first day together, he got a call on his new phone that he had a warrant out for his arrest! “If you all hadn’t been there with me, I woulda booked it. Left the state. There’s no way I’m going back to prison.”
We talked our friend down, assured him we’d call the court clerk and look into this. And we did. Turns out it was a glitch in the system, referencing a warrant over ten years old! We talked with the clerk, made a few more calls, and it was cleared. Due to a broken court system, this man would have fled out of animal terror — desperate not to go back into the cage — sabotaging his freedom, instantly violating his parole. (Think of how many other folks have experienced this, despaired, and violated their fragile release conditions, landing them right back in prison?) Simply having calm, present friends and support made all the difference for our releasing friend.
REST OF THE FIRST WEEK
Make plans just for the next day – one day at a time.
The second day, get the calendar out and make a few to-do lists together. Some common second and third day trips to plan on:
The DSHS Office. Get set up with state health insurance and any state food or cash assistance they’re eligible for.
Shop for some clothes. Use the gift cards your church hopefully helped supply. Have them pick out some shoes, pants, shirts of their choice!
Required evaluations. Chemical dependency or mental health evaluations are often mandated by parole. Find the agencies, make the calls, schedule the evaluations, put it on the calendar, check it off the list.
Start with whatever’s necessary and urgent. The rest can happen over the next few weeks. Brush up on which team member has the ball for which ‘stone to roll away’.
And don’t forget ice cream! Take a walk around the block near their house. Pray together, if they’re into that. Give them time to adjust, rest, and adjust some more.
YOU GOT THIS
You’ll find your way together.
Stay in touch. Be a team. Set aside the time. Work those calendar skills. Have some ice cream! Text goodnight at the end of the day. Crack some jokes.
Welcome to the land of the living. We take it for granted.
Lift your friend up to God as you go to sleep. Savor this. You are practicing resurrection. Maybe, as Jesus assured the nervous people gathering outside Lazarus’ tomb: you’re seeing a glimmer of the glory of God. This is just the beginning.
